Valley 2

The Reckoning


I write Sims 3 stories. I rarely reblog things. I like personal text posts - I'm here for friends, not Simbots. I am, according to a friend: sweet, fierce, kind, honest, silly, smart, giving, talented, and a fabulous friend. :)

Reply of heaviness!

sleazy4goopy replied to your post: Carry my rage for me, Seth. Carry it w…

Woah, that’s some heavy stuff. You alright?

Hi. I’m Stacy. I do heavy stuff. :)

It’s just the usual. Been battling with it since I was nine and read every book the local library had on the Holocaust. Or maybe earlier than that, actually, because I remember watching Roots before that and being so terrified that I couldn’t sleep and I conjured up all sorts of terrors for myself, and of course I read The Children’s Bible somewhere around six or seven or eight and I remember the existential dread then too.

And actually I have a very clear memory of a moment when I was five, and we were at a gas station, and my mother had gone in to pay, and I was kicking my feet against my seat and looking at the gas pumps, and there was like an explosion in my brain, a realization that I was me and that I was locked into this human skin and that I could never ever get out. I don’t know precisely how I thought about it then, but in current me terms - it was like the first time I saw the fluorescent light shining on an empty white department store bin. I saw utter and complete meaninglessness and emptiness.

So haha yeah, I’ve been dealing with existential depression since I was like five. It waxes and wanes. Worst it’s ever been was my early 20s, when I worked in retail and fast food. And I didn’t have the time to create.

Creating is how I deal with it. Creating and love. Some days I can be all “Yay the struggle is beautiful and look at what I made out of my pain and look at how it touches other people and helps them with their pain and there is all this meaning and goodness and life is okay!”

Other days, like apparently today, too much reality gets in and love isn’t enough, but I’ve found…there’s always Seth. When nothing else is good enough, when nothing else is an adequate answer to human ignorance and selfishness and blindness and wanton cruelty, there is Seth and his rage and his fire and his beautiful destruction.

As long as I’ve got Seth, I’ll be all right. :)

» time 8 minutes ago   » notes 1
sleazy4goopy  non-sims  text  saviorhide  

Socrates asked whose bias do ya’ll seek?

» time 20 minutes ago   » notes 6
simblr  sims 3  ts3  
Carry my rage for me, Seth. Carry it well. Make something out of it, make it beautiful and good and meaningful, because I can’t.
Because I read about concentration camps, about the experimentation on people in North Korea, about entire families put in a gas chamber and watched from above as the poison is pumped in and the parents try to keep the children alive with mouth to mouth resuscitation until they too succumb, and I read about bigotry, about exploitation, about slavery, about austerity, about violence and control and murder, and I cannot carry it anymore. I cannot. 
You have to do it for me. Make it mean. Make it mean something, so that I don’t just say fuck you all and kill myself. Howl and scream and set things on fire and burn with it, burn and burn and burn, because I cannot, because I have nothing left to burn, and I need you. I need you.
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Carry my rage for me, Seth. Carry it well. Make something out of it, make it beautiful and good and meaningful, because I can’t.

Because I read about concentration camps, about the experimentation on people in North Korea, about entire families put in a gas chamber and watched from above as the poison is pumped in and the parents try to keep the children alive with mouth to mouth resuscitation until they too succumb, and I read about bigotry, about exploitation, about slavery, about austerity, about violence and control and murder, and I cannot carry it anymore. I cannot. 

You have to do it for me. Make it mean. Make it mean something, so that I don’t just say fuck you all and kill myself. Howl and scream and set things on fire and burn with it, burn and burn and burn, because I cannot, because I have nothing left to burn, and I need you. I need you.

» time 1 hour ago   » notes 9
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» time 2 hours ago   » notes 13
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Replies of writing and points!

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medleymisty:

everything is pointless
everything is empty when you’re alone in the fire

I texted this to the spousal person at work today, and when he got home he asked me if it was supposed to be sung according to the subject matter or in the same tone as the Everything Is Awesome song from the LEGO movie. I said OF COURSE it’s supposed to be sung in the happy catchy way!
So he performed both versions, and then he did a hard rock version, and I was like “What if Batman sang it?” and he did a deep growly Batman version.
My favorite is still just singing it in the same style as the original though. Here it is if you haven’t seen the movie: Everything Is Awesome.
high resolution →

medleymisty:

everything is pointless

everything is empty when you’re alone in the fire

I texted this to the spousal person at work today, and when he got home he asked me if it was supposed to be sung according to the subject matter or in the same tone as the Everything Is Awesome song from the LEGO movie. I said OF COURSE it’s supposed to be sung in the happy catchy way!

So he performed both versions, and then he did a hard rock version, and I was like “What if Batman sang it?” and he did a deep growly Batman version.

My favorite is still just singing it in the same style as the original though. Here it is if you haven’t seen the movie: Everything Is Awesome.

» time 4 hours ago   » notes 18

fleurdeprairie asked,

Stopping by to tell you I love your sims (SARAH MORRIGAN MOST OF THEM ALL) but I want to know more! List 5 facts about your most favorite sim of yours, and send this to 10 simblrs whose sims you adore. :)

image

1. Sarah does not really care about the gender of her partner. Seth generally leans hetero, but Sarah - she does share Seth’s need for an emotional connection, but the bits and bobs of the person that she is emotionally bonded to don’t really matter to her.

2. She certainly does present as traditionally feminine, but it’s not a social pressure thing for her. She is not at all invested in gender roles. She just actually really naturally likes cooking and children and things like that. 

3. She felt very alone as a child. She has a sister, and her parents were decent and nice (and dead now, I think), but none of them ever really understood her and she’s never really had someone that she could show her inner self to. She thought Seth could be that person for her. She saw that same aloneness in him, and she thought she understood it. And that she would be finally understood.

4; I guess - it’s surprising how their traits actually do inform their personalities, and I interpret her “cowardly” trait as anxiety. She’s not actually cowardly, and she is capable of surprising people if pushed to the edge, but she definitely has all sorts of anxiety and she doesn’t like it when people are upset around her and she really doesn’t like it when people are upset at her. She sort of fades into the scenery and stays quiet and tries to please people, all in an attempt to keep the anxiety at bay. And in keeping with how the cowardly trait works in the game - she is definitely afraid of the dark.

5. She is a good person. Such a good person that she is incapable of imagining that Seth is maybe not always good, and she will rationalize and deny and bury anything to the contrary deep in her subconscious, and take the blame for his acting out on herself. Until she’s absolutely forced to face reality.

Like I said in that writing advice post - my characters all have parts of me in them.

» time 4 hours ago   » notes 4
fleurdeprairie  character meme  non-sims  
Sometimes the darkness and I lie on the floor and color in our coloring books.
I am coloring a tree trunk dark brown. I stop, my crayon in mid-stroke, and I consider all the tree trunks I have ever seen. They were gray or very light brown or bone white or some other earthy color that is beyond my ability to represent.
None of them were this particular shade of brown. None of them.
I am suddenly overcome with exhaustion and despair, and I drop my crayon.
The darkness looks up from its coloring book. It had been intently coloring the three balloons on a pony’s rump, its tongue sticking out between its new alligator teeth. I ignore the question in its eyes.
I turn on to my back and look up through the dust motes gently falling through the sun beams. What crayon would I use to try to represent the dust motes? Maybe the gold one. Not that it would be any less crude a representation of reality than the dark brown tree trunks.
I ask “Who here likes things that are alive?”
The darkness answers in its new hiss. “You know that I like death and despair and chaos and the flat nothingness of Monday afternoons and the blue light of a television forever flickering in a dark empty living room and things like that. Stop being silly and finish your picture.”
I do not want to finish my picture. I think that I want to make friends with the dust motes. I cross my hands under my head.
The darkness sighs. It asks “What color should I use for the third balloon? Atomic Tangerine, Hot Magenta, or the deepest darkest shade of the human inability to perceive and express reality with any sort of accuracy? Which is a sort of yellowish greenish grayish color, if you’re curious.”
I watch the dust motes falling, falling, falling, and I imagine the ceiling caving in. Little bits at first, tiny flakes of ceiling tile settling on the darkness, drifting across the gatorskin. And then loud crashes and bangs and booms, and then, nothingness and silence. And a crayon sticking up out of the debris, the same color as the sky.
I look outside, at the sun and the trees with their gray and light brown and white and all the colors of reality mixed together trunks. I look at the sky.
I say “Periwinkle. The third balloon should be periwinkle.”
I hear the darkness rummaging through the crayon box with its alligator claws.
Little white bits of the ceiling tile fall like snow, mixing with the gold of the dust motes.
high resolution →

Sometimes the darkness and I lie on the floor and color in our coloring books.

I am coloring a tree trunk dark brown. I stop, my crayon in mid-stroke, and I consider all the tree trunks I have ever seen. They were gray or very light brown or bone white or some other earthy color that is beyond my ability to represent.

None of them were this particular shade of brown. None of them.

I am suddenly overcome with exhaustion and despair, and I drop my crayon.

The darkness looks up from its coloring book. It had been intently coloring the three balloons on a pony’s rump, its tongue sticking out between its new alligator teeth. I ignore the question in its eyes.

I turn on to my back and look up through the dust motes gently falling through the sun beams. What crayon would I use to try to represent the dust motes? Maybe the gold one. Not that it would be any less crude a representation of reality than the dark brown tree trunks.

I ask “Who here likes things that are alive?”

The darkness answers in its new hiss. “You know that I like death and despair and chaos and the flat nothingness of Monday afternoons and the blue light of a television forever flickering in a dark empty living room and things like that. Stop being silly and finish your picture.”

I do not want to finish my picture. I think that I want to make friends with the dust motes. I cross my hands under my head.

The darkness sighs. It asks “What color should I use for the third balloon? Atomic Tangerine, Hot Magenta, or the deepest darkest shade of the human inability to perceive and express reality with any sort of accuracy? Which is a sort of yellowish greenish grayish color, if you’re curious.”

I watch the dust motes falling, falling, falling, and I imagine the ceiling caving in. Little bits at first, tiny flakes of ceiling tile settling on the darkness, drifting across the gatorskin. And then loud crashes and bangs and booms, and then, nothingness and silence. And a crayon sticking up out of the debris, the same color as the sky.

I look outside, at the sun and the trees with their gray and light brown and white and all the colors of reality mixed together trunks. I look at the sky.

I say “Periwinkle. The third balloon should be periwinkle.”

I hear the darkness rummaging through the crayon box with its alligator claws.

Little white bits of the ceiling tile fall like snow, mixing with the gold of the dust motes.

» time 5 hours ago   » notes 13
surreal darkness  simblr  sims 3  ts3  

roseoftheoakmoonsims asked,

Name two things you like about yourself, then pass it on to the first ten people on your dash. #TeamSelfEsteem. I hope you have a great day!

1. I have somehow kept my mind mostly uncolonized, mostly free from social conditioning. This causes me plenty of communication problems with other people and a lot of misunderstanding and social issues, because I just don’t get where people are coming from and I am so far from understanding their socially received ideas that I am just now beginning to entertain the idea that they might not like me because I unwittingly challenge those socially received ideas, but on the whole I would much much rather get hate and be misunderstood and sometimes be a social outcast than to be chained up in social conditioning. Give me freedom, or give me death.

2. The more I learn about the world outside my own little unconditioned bubble, the more I realize that I came from what a lot of middle class people would call a quite disadvantaged background. Which is funny, because people who don’t know me say that I am pretentious and assume that I come from money or whatever, because I can write and I have a large vocabulary and I know a ton of things.

But I got there on my own.

My father died of a heart attack about five weeks after I turned seven. My mother boarded socks in a sock factory while I was growing up. My half-brother still doesn’t read very much. But my mother says that when I was a toddler I brought her books constantly and demanded that she read them to me, and I started reading on my own when I was two. I may not have started out with a lot of educational and material advantages, but whatever - I’ve been trying to stuff the whole world into my mouth since I was born. ;)

» time 12 hours ago   » notes 5
roseoftheoakmoonsims  reply  text  non-sims  saviorhide  
everything is pointless

everything is empty when you’re alone in the fire
high resolution →

everything is pointless

everything is empty when you’re alone in the fire

» time 12 hours ago   » notes 18
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Haha, I see some writing stuff from Sim writers being reblogged around

So here’s my writing advice!


You know - long before I ever heard of Twilight, I was reading stories on the Sims 2 Exchange that were Twilight with the names changed. Then later I read Twilight, and I was like “OMG this explains so much!”

I don’t know if there are any original ideas, really. There’s only so many ways to tell a story before it becomes postmodern junk that might win literary awards but won’t actually entertain anyone..

I think that a lot of being good at writing…

You can learn technique. And I’ve done my share of that - reading books to see how other people do things, reading industry blogs, reading books about writing, agonizing for hours over sentence structure and word choice (it took eight hours of straight work to hammer out the first section of 10.01 into something I felt fairly happy with), etc.

But I think that really, if you want to go beyond technique and into originality and creativity and things that have soul, it comes down to how you approach life and how you translate your life into your writing.

Okay, so we’re approaching a touchy area, and I’ve gotten hate for talking about this before, but if you’re still here and still my friend and still talking to me I’m going to assume that you’re cool with it. ;)

It sounds hackneyed, but I think the biggest thing with writing - you have to be yourself.

Maybe it was touchy because so many Sims people are still in their teens and early 20s and also on a more normal developmental arc than the one I’ve lived, and so they’re still not sure who they are. And that’s where you get the Sims stories that are ripoffs of Twilight. It’s teenagers borrowing an identity, trying it on, trying to learn through imitation. And really there’s nothing wrong with that, and we’ve all got to start somewhere.

But once you’re ready to move past that, then…if you really really want to write, you have to go down deep within yourself and pull out what’s there. Even if it’s dark and ugly and it scares you all to hell. Especially then, lol.

I think my 100% openness score helps me here. ;) It’s about being open to everything, external and internal, and using everything. Like - listening to how people talk. Listening to how the wind blows through the trees. Listening to the rain. Listening to cars going by. Listening to the click of doors, the turning of engines, the sound of your feet on the floor or on the ground, the water in the shower, the beeping of the microwave. Same with all the other senses - you have to really be open and notice everything, the way the orange sunlight looks on the tops of the trees in the late afternoon, the taste of chocolate cheesecake, the feeling of touching someone else’s skin, etc.

So that will provide you with the sensory details you need to create a scene, to put your reader there with your character.

But then. Then. You need the emotions. You need the reader to feel what your character is feeling.

Same thing. You’ve got to be open to your own emotions, and to feel them, and to be able to put them into words and images and symbols. You can’t be scared. I think a lot of mediocre writing comes from that - from being scared, and avoiding emotions, because oh my gosh what will people think, or I’ve been told it’s wrong to feel that way, or whatever it is they’ve internalized from media or society or their parents or whatever that’s made them afraid of themselves. You have to break down all those internalized barriers, and open yourself up, and FEEL. And then write those feelings out.

So that’s setting and emotion - I guess what’s left is character.

Personally - all of my characters are different parts of me. As I write them they take on more of their own life, but at the beginning they’re pretty much just me. I can be broody and silent and angry like Seth. I can be goofy and go off on tangents like Glitterface. I can be quiet and shy and passive until I’ve finally had enough and go hardcore badass, like Lilith. I can babble on about the stars and the sky and beauty and the universe like Bella. ;)

So yeah, I guess…in the end, my writing advice would be:

Be yourself, be open, pay attention to both the outer world and your inner world, and be fearless.

» time 13 hours ago   » notes 15
text  non-sims  saviorhide  writing advice  writing  

Sitting here crying at work

Am I good at writing? Am I getting better? Does what I do have any worth? Is there any point?

» time 14 hours ago   » notes 16
text  non-sims  saviorhide  

Late night revelation

So I never really thought of my family as uneducated, but the internet is always bringing me fresh information and the experiences of other people, and tonight the internet showed me that there are people who would be considered uneducated by others but who can do things that my family can only dream of. Like dang yo. 

So then it slowly began to dawn on me that I am completely self-educated.

So then I googled “autodidact”, and apparently that is not like a usual thing? I kind of thought that was how learning worked. You just went and found books, or websites if you have internet access, and you learned things.

Like dude, I may not have a four year degree and I may have gone to rural working class southern Appalachian schools and my family may need lots of extra help getting through a self-checkout because they don’t understand how it works, but I do have over three thousand books in my house and I have read so much of the internet that it’s starting to scare me how often I will see comments about things and be like “Yeah, I’ve spent years researching that online” or “Dude, I spent a couple days reading articles about that event and similar things.” or “I recognize the first commenter on this news article because I occasionally bump into their fringe blogging community in my rambles about the internet”, in completely disparate areas. 

And yes, this means that I taught myself how to write the way I write when I grew up with a half-brother who doesn’t read much at all and who asked me “Fiction means it ain’t true, right?” when he was in his 30s and a mother who will read the higher order things that I lend her, like Peter Singer’s books or My Bondage and My Freedom by Frederick Douglass, and she will consider them and have valid conclusions to draw about them, but on her own the most she does is read Louis L’amour and Reader’s Digest.

I thought that was normal. I thought I was normal. I thought that was how everyone worked.

I am beginning to realize that I may have been horribly wrong.

» time 23 hours ago   » notes 13
text  non-sims  saviorhide  

melanieselestasims asked,

Stopping by to tell you I love your sims, but I want to know more! List 5 facts about your most favorite sim of yours, and send this to 10 simblrs whose sims you adore. ♥

image

Seth, of course, goes first! :)

1. As you can see in this text-only story, Eggshells, Seth’s father worked in a paint factory. An explosion happened that killed ten people, and it was blamed on his father - who was gravely injured, but not killed. His father never recovered mentally or emotionally, and spent most of the rest of his life in a care facility. Seth’s mother worked as an administrative assistant, and she struggled to pay for his father’s care on top of all the other bills. 

2. Seth shares my sexual orientation - demisexual. He has to feel some sort of emotional connection with someone before he will be attracted to them physically, and it takes him a long time if ever to get over someone. Notice that Caitlyn, the girl he has a crush on as a teenager, has black hair and blue eyes. Like Lilith. So like, what, 80 or 90 years later maybe, he was still subconsciously thinking about Caitlyn, and Lilith’s black hair and blue eyes reminded him of her and was part of his fixation on Lilith.

Sarah, of course, has really really blonde hair. Which at the point in his life when he met Sarah, her being so different from Caitlyn was definitely a selling point.

3. He had a set of those glow in the dark stars on the ceiling of his bedroom when he was growing up, all very organized and exactly replicating actual constellations.

4. When I got Supernatural, I changed his handy trait to gatherer. Also he is now a witch, with the alchemy related lifetime wish. :)

5. The entire plot of Valley and his life and everything that I have written about him and his universe comes from the first time I ever played him. I put him and Sarah down in a little house in Sunset Valley, and I watched him, and I fell absolutely in love and he was so adorable and I was squealing and telling the spousal person that Seth should be the main character, not Lilith.

And then I told him to cook something, and he set the stove on fire. Twice in a row. And then he rolled the wish to see Sarah’s fiery ghost. 

That’s his origin story - that wish created Valley’s plot, and thus everything after.

———————

Going out to dinner and stuff now. Will do Sarah when we get home.

» time 1 day ago   » notes 11
melanieselestasims  character meme  

I have two of those character things!

One for Seth, one for Sarah, I reckon! But it will have to wait - I need calories first. Calories power the words. They are very important.

» time 1 day ago   » notes 7
text  non-sims  saviorhide  

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